第74章

“I had not been long in Hertfordshire,before I saw,in common with others,that Bingley preferred your elder sister to any other young woman in the country.But it was not till the evening of the dance at Netherfield that I had any apprehension of his feeling a serious attachment. I had often seen him in love before.At that ball,while I had the honour of dancing with you,I was first made acquainted,by Sir William Lucas's accidental information, that Bingley's attentions to your sister had given rise to a general expectation of their marriage.He spoke of it as a certain event, of which the time alone could be undecided.From that moment I observed my friend's behaviour attentively; and I could then perceive that his partiality for Miss Bennet was beyond what I had ever witnessed in him.Your sister I also watched. Her look and manners were open, cheerful, and engaging as ever, but without any symptom of peculiar regard, and I remained convinced from the evening's scrutiny,that though she received his attentions with pleasure, she did not invite them by any participation of sentiment.If you have not been mistaken here,I must have been in error.Your superior knowledge of your sister must make the latter probable.If it be so,if I have been misled by such error to inflict pain on her, your resentment has not been unreasonable. But I shall not scruple to assert, that the serenity of your sister's countenance and air was such as might have given the most acute observer a conviction that, however amiable her temper,her heart was not likely to be easily touched. That I was desirous of believing her indifferent is certain—but I will venture to say that my investigation and decisions are not usually influenced by my hopes or fears. I did not believe her to be indifferent because I wished it; I believed it on impartial conviction,as truly as I wished it in reason.My objections to the marriage were not merely those which I last night acknowledged to have the utmost required force of passion to put aside,in my own case;the want of connection could not be so great an evil to my friend as to me.But there were other causes of repugnance;causes which,though still existing,and existing to an equal degree in both instances, I had myself endeavoured to forget, because they were not immediately before me.These causes must be stated, though briefly.The situation of your mother's family, though objectionable, was nothing in comparison to that total want of propriety so frequently,so almost uniformly betrayed by herself, by your three younger sisters, and occasionally even by your father. Pardon me. It pains me to offend you. But amidst your concern for the defects of your nearest relations, and your displeasure at this representation of them, let it give you consolation to consider that,to have conducted yourselves so as to avoid any share of the like censure,is praise no less generally bestowed on you and your elder sister, than it is honourable to the sense and disposition of both. I will only say farther that from what passed that evening, my opinion of all parties was confirmed, and every inducement heightened which could have led me before, to preserve my friend from what I esteemed a most unhappy connection. He left Netherfield for London, on the day following,as you,I am certain,remember,with the design of soon returning.

“The part which I acted is now to be explained. His sisters' uneasiness had been equally excited with my own;our coincidence of feeling was soon discovered, and, alike sensible that no time was to be lost in detaching their brother,we shortly resolved on joining him directly in London.We accordingly went—and there I readily engaged in the office of pointing out to my friend the certain evils of such a choice. I described, and enforced them earnestly.But,however this remonstrance might have staggered or delayed his determination, I do not suppose that it would ultimately have prevented the marriage,had it not been seconded by the assurance that I hesitated not in giving, of your sister's indifference.He had before believed her to return his affection with sincere, if not with equal regard. But Bingley has great natural modesty, with a stronger dependence on my judgement than on his own.To convince him,therefore,that he had deceived himself, was no very difficult point.To persuade him against returning into Hertfordshire, when that conviction had been given,was scarcely the work of a moment.I cannot blame myself for having done thus much.There is but one part of my conduct in the whole affair on which I do not reflect with satisfaction;it is that I condescended to adopt the measures of art so far as to conceal from him your sister's being in town. I knew it myself, as it was known to Miss Bingley; but her brother is even yet ignorant of it.That they might have met without ill consequence is perhaps probable;but his regard did not appear to me enough extinguished for him to see her without some danger.Perhaps this concealment,this disguise was beneath me;it is done,however, and it was done for the best.On this subject I have nothing more to say,no other apology to offer.If I have wounded your sister's feelings,it was unknowingly done and though the motives which governed me may to you very naturally appear insufficient,I have not yet learnt to condemn them.

“With respect to that other,more weighty accusation,of having injured Mr.Wickham, I can only refute it by laying before you the whole of his connection with my family. Of what he has particularly accused me I am ignorant;but of the truth of what I shall relate,I can summon more than one witness of undoubted veracity.